A Very Merry Crimbo :
Feedback: Sure, to alana_helbling@...
Disclaimer: not mine, I’m just borrowing them, although I’m more than willing to
kiss the boo-boos that I inflict better before I return them.
Category: Humour, with R/L overtones.
Summary: Logan, Christmas Eve and a rebellious turkey – or turkeys depending on
how you look at it.
Warning: Silly fic, sorry, the fact that my frightens-the-shit-out-of-me form
tutor is wearing a Santa hat on her head is getting to me.
Author’s Notes: Thanks very much for all the feedback for ‘Misunderstandings’ –
it was kinda overwhelming! Someone asked for a sequel involving Remy and Jubes,
but I have to confess I don’t feel secure enough in these characters to do one,
so I guess there’s a plot bunny going free to a good home, for anyone that wants
it. This is dedicated to my sis’, whose bad mood due to mock exams has been
throwing bunnies at me from right, left and centre. I’m not sure if I love or
hate her for that.
Logan was worried. Very worried. As a matter of fact, he was terrified, but he
was damned if he would show it.
Everyone knew Christmas this year would have to be rather quiet when the
professor got ill. Nothing life threatening, but enough that he required around
the clock attendance from Jean. Then Scott came down with the same thing. And
finally, a young alpha mutant had been discovered who had powers with more than
a passing similarity to Marie’s, so she had had to go with the remaining adults
to pick him up. Their promises that they’d only be gone a few hours soon became
void when a giant snowstorm swept into their area and left them stranded. As
Storm had informed them at midday on Christmas eve, to interfere with this
particular storm, which was annoying although not life threatening, would
undoubtedly cause floods elsewhere in the world which would have fatalities, and
therefore there was nothing that could be done but wait it out. It ought to
clear out in time for them to arrive back very early Christmas morning. So it
soon became clear that Logan would be spending Christmas Eve, alone, in a house
full of children, with only a handful of adolescents to help him.
Yeah, terrified just about covered it.
*It should not be too arduous, Logan* the professor’s mental voice sounded
rather reedy, despite the fact that his illness shouldn’t be affecting it. *A
list of what has to be done and when is stuck to the refrigerator, along with
book and page references in the cases of cooking. Most of the work should
consist of amusing the children. Oh and by the way, don’t forget the Yule log
needs to be arranged.* Logan could have sworn he heard the telepath chuckle at
his loud cussing as he realised exactly what that would entail. Fire and
children should never mix, was his firm belief. Bellowing at the top of his
lungs, he summoned what would be his help for the weekend. Within a few minutes,
Jubilee, Kitty, Bobby, Johnny and Remy had assembled in the kitchen. He glared
at them, aware that none of this was their fault, but not really being able to
stop himself from taking it out on them.
"Right, we’re the only ones left so we gotta take care of the kids. You ‘amuse’
them, and I’ll take care of whatever is on the list. If either of us needs any
help, yell." Upon receiving nods from all concerned parties, he menacingly
looked first at them, and then the door, and they scuttled out of the kitchen.
Still scowling, he stalked over to the refrigerator and looked at the first
1) Feed the turkey.
When the vegetarians at the mansion had loudly protested at the fact they would
be having a traditional Christmas dinner, the professor had reached a compromise
by promising that not only would there be a vegetarian alternative, but that a
live turkey would be bought and ‘saved from slaughter’ as Auroro had shouted, as
repayment for the one they would eat. And so, a run with a heated floor and
hutch was duly built, and the bird, christened ‘Waffles’ installed inside.
But this was no ordinary turkey. This bird had homicidal tendencies. It was well
known for charging at whoever came near it. When the professor held a small
informal ‘opening and welcoming ceremony’ for Waffles, it’s attempts to remove
his eye had been unforeseen, and thus, nearly successful. Bobby still bore a
bruised collar bone from when it’s last assassination attempt consisted of
trying to jump off the hutch roof onto him, and when that had only caused a
glancing blow, chasing him around the run, until he was forced to admit defeat,
drop the entire bag of feed and scramble for the door. But this didn’t worry
Logan. Grabbing the bag of feed and a bucket of water, he headed outside.
Trudging through the slush until he reached the run, he opened the door, stepped
inside and closed it again. He picked up the feed in one hand, bucket in the
other, and walked towards the trough. He never had a chance as the large, and
fairly heavy fowl, launched itself at him and grabbed hold of the easiest part
to reach – his groin. Logan did the first thing that came to mind – and hit it
with the bucket in his hand. The resultant was that the previously flightless
bird now found itself airborne, still with a large amount of Logan’s jeans and
boxers clamped in it’s beak (although his more important parts had thankfully
escaped amputation). Hurriedly, he dumped the food and water in the appropriate
places and ran for the door, slamming it shut, and locking it before heading
back inside. Deciding he’d better change his trousers before he attempted
anything else, he rounded the corner of the corridor, to run slap bang into the
still healthy population of the school, most of whom were about waist – and
other places – high. Ignoring the dropped jaws of Kitty and Jubilee, and the
envious glares of the boys, he slammed his hands over the offending exposed
flesh, and then the Wolverine did something he’d never before done in his life
and ran to his room.
Changed into new jeans, and trying to forget about Jubilee’s waggled eyebrows
and audible comments about how unfair it was that Marie got to open her package
early, Logan inspected the list again.
2) Help the children with their Christmas lists.
3) Set up the fire and prepare the Yule log.
Logan sighed, and headed into the lounge where the children were sitting in a
glorious mess of felt tip pens, brightly coloured paper, glue and scissors.
Ignoring the still grinning Jubilee, he walked up to Kitty and asked if they
were handling the kids all right. Blushing and unable to look him in the face,
kitty replied that they were doing fine.
"Good. Well, in that case, I’m gonna go set up the fire, OK?" He didn’t wait for
her nod before going into the next room to complete his assigned task. Finishing
up, he banked the fire so it would last a good couple more hours and headed back
into the kitchen to read the list one more time.
4) Make glaze for turkey.
5) Glaze turkey.
6) Put turkey in oven.
Wrinkling his nose in disgust, Logan opened every window in the kitchen and it’s
nearby vicinity. Cooking was never easy to a nose as sensitive as his, and any
extra ventilation would come in handy. Pulling down the recipe book, he turned
to the appropriate page, and inspected it. It seemed pretty straightforward
compared to some of the dishes he’d been privy to watching Marie whip up over
the time they’d been together. He was living with someone who’d spent one and
half-hours lecturing him on the importance of the food to the continuation of
Christmas tradition, especially the turkey. If he couldn’t do this, what sort of
a pansy was he?
Grabbing a mixing bowl, and the ingredients, he soon learnt that appearances
were deceiving. Half an hour later, he heaved a silent sigh of relief as he
managed to produce something that matched the description in the book. The
kitchen was a mess, with half full bowls lying over the counter at random
points, and one of his failed attempts had ended up spilt on the floor, but he
had done it.
And a good thing too – if this one had gone wrong, he’d have had to run out to
the store to get some more ingredients. Carefully applying the glaze, he studied
the advice on cooking times – 5 hours now, and a final two tomorrow morning to
finish it off, he read.
‘OK’, he thought, ‘5 hours it will be’, and with infinite care bent down to
slide the turkey into the oven. One problem became immediately apparent – it
wasn’t going to fit. A tentative shove did no good at all. Neither did a more
determined one. Logan snarled, put his weight behind it and pushed. His feet
slipped in the glaze still lying on the floor and he fell forwards, taking the
turkey with him. He and the tray hit the floor with a moments difference between
them, but that was sufficient for him to land on the edge of tray, tipping it
up, and sending the turkey flying out of the open window behind him, through the
thin sheet of ice covering the pond in courtyard, where it sank out of sight.
Logan could do nothing but stare in disbelief.
Which he did.
Then he swore.
Then he tried to suppress the beserker rage in order to think.
He still had another glaze to do another bird, but what other bird was a
problem. Marie had impressed upon him the importance of having a turkey at
Christmas, but where the hell was he going to find another one? With grim
realisation, his gaze slowly fell on Waffles’ run, where the unfortunate fowl
was amusing himself. His expression set, Logan unsheathed his claws and walked
"Bogan, bot are you doing?" came a rather stuffed up voice from the outside
door, carrying to Logan’s sensitive ears as he stood in the wreckage that had
been the turkey run. He was covered from head to foot in mud, plant debris and
patches of feed, with the occasional feather here and there – including one that
was sticking out of his ear. His facial expression rivalled the one Hank had
worn when he had discovered that the report he’d been working on for six months
had accidently been deleted when Remy had tried to download porn on Hank’s
"Our damn lunch met when an accident, so I’m tryin’ to rustle up an understudy,
and what are you doing up Slim?" Marie’d kill him if Scooter got even worse,
reflected Logan ruefully.
"Jean’s asleeb, so I had to get my owd drink, and deres and emergency turkey in
duh freezer. Duh professor always buys one, just in case, but don’t tell Storm."
Having gotten his point across, Scott nodded sleepily and headed back upstairs.
Logan began to trudge into the house. As the door closed, Waffles emerged,
crossed the courtyard unseen, and disappeared into the woods at the back of the
Eventually the turkey went in the oven – defrosted, thanks to Johnny, and
glazed, hacked into pieces (and some would say it was done with unnecessary
vigour) and wrapped in tinfoil by Logan. Cleaning up the mess he’d made with the
glaze, Logan carefully prepared the rest of the food, and left it covered at the
back of the counter to go into the oven when it was needed. Thankfully, All of
the children were settled down quietly in the lounge, so lighting the Yule log
and placing all the carefully decorated into ‘Santa’s post box’ went without
incident. Kitty and Jubilee had used the small staff kitchen to mass-produce
chicken nuggets, fish fingers and chips for their dinner, and then the sleepily
excited children were put to bed. As the dormitory doors closed, a look of
mutual understanding passed between the babysitters, and without a word, they
retreated to their own rooms, and as one, fell on their beds and fell asleep.
Logan never really slipped into a deep sleep until the sun began to peek over
the horizon, having risen a total of three times during the night – once to take
out the turkey, and twice to deal with kid/bathroom related incidents. He did,
however, stir as an exhausted Marie slipped into bed with him. Barely able to
keep his eyes open, he somewhere found the energy to turn to her and say
"Marie, new ground rule. We’ll be having kids someday, but we’re waiting a while
first." Marie, all too aware of what Logan had finally realised, nodded
sleepily, and slid into his arms, and they both fell asleep, blissfully unaware
of the shrieks of excited children coming from downstairs.
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