The TWISTED SINEMA YELLOW JOURNALS

part 1 of 2

By [special guest "UNCLE REMUS"...Star of "Song of the South!"]
Subject:TWISTED SINEMA 's HISTORic radio interview [part 1 of 2]
or
Who Do I Gotta F*ck To Get Out Of This Industry
Haloo der mah chilluns.....Ol' Uncle Remus hyah...t'ings aint been the same like
in de zipadeedoodah-day, when im-po-littikle kerrektness was de norm!
I done lost mah little cabin in de sky; 'cos mah residuals from mah movie,
"Songs of de South " done dried clean up....It be seemin' like de House o' de
Mouse, thought us Ol' School, Shufflin' types, be unpopular fo' de KORPORATION
image & BANNED US FUM DE PUBLIKS!...so dey done discarded us so-called cultural
emabarressments, fum history..like de ol' beer can ...and Vannilla Ice ABLUMS...
as dey be makin' empowerin' booty-shakin' rap-videos up de whazoo!
So Ol' Remus don' lost his mansion, Cadillac . cocaine & collection of fine
Ho's!!!
Me, Steppin' Fetchit an' Amos and Andy be reduced to de Ol' Hollywood retirement
home wit' Raj & Rerun fum "Whut's Happenin'" an' J.J. fum "Good Times"; who aint
feelin' dynamite lately...We jus' hangs out, watch classic "Dolomite" movies
an' be a-drinkin' 40's, wit' 13 yr. ol' Crack-Ho's!
Now looky hyah...I caint ebben afford de KWALADA for my itchy, salty brown
nuts![De Whoopi Goldberg says H'lo!]
Thanx to de young bwah, Doktor T-3000 , fum WWW.TONYWATT.COM fo' lettin' ME
'rite dis hyah artIkle [an' payin' me wit' his bottle of KWALADA...], WIT' DE
kIND WORDS OF INSPIRATION:..."aNY oLD fAGGOT Can Write an aRTICle!"...Whatta
Guy!...anyhows...I am asked to into-duce dis hyah PART 1 of 2 ,of de CLASSIK,
mega-testicular twisted sinema movie studio/festival radio INTERVIEW....sO
UNTIL gARY Coleman grOWS SOME HAIR ON HIS johnson....give a brotha a JAWWWWWWWB!
SALUTATIONS [an see yaz on de part 2],
-UNCLE 'BIG-NUTS' REMUS!---
Radio interview (Part one of Two...copyright 2003,Tony Watt Inc.] :" If you
thought 'War of the Words' & the 'Satanic Verses' was controversial....
TRANSCRIPTS TO THIS HILARIOUS 2003 NEW YEARS DAY, FARCE OF AN
INTERVIEW
are AVAILABLE Below (In Red):
[come with us Wednesday,afternoon, New YeArs Day ,afternoon 2003,1PM] as
intoxicated Www.TonyWatt.com Festival organizers/Tony Watt Inc. (Movie Studios)
Tony
Watt and Martin Magee, Still in their colorful nEW yEARS eVE; party-get-
ups
from the night before..in glittery funny hats, hootch-flasks and party horns, as
they drunkenly stumble into the 89.5 Toronto CIUT radio STUDIOS
(CIUT.fm), for the noon-1pm show, 'Cinephiles' an informative one
hour news magazine about the independent movie scene!!!
LISTEN, AS OUR TWO INTREPID www.twistedsinema.com
movie festival ORGANIZERS,
[TONY AND MARTY] TERRORIZE OUR POOR
UNSUSPECTING RADIO HOST/D.J. Heidi Rayden(WHO LOOKS EXACTLY
LIKE 'Sex in the City's' Sarah Jessica Parker, dressed in a real
sexy
TIGHT outfit...Marty got a woody...the medicated Tony, was to
Drunk
and wired to CARE!)
We are also joined [from the adjoining booth] by the mysterious
dreadlocked sound engineer,a buxom nubian 'sistah' known only
as "ZOWIE"[Canada's own personal Robin Quivers!],

CIUT f.m.'s POPULAR "CINEFILES" RADIO PROGRAM organizer/founder, who
laughed
at
every uncomfortable squirming and grimace of our poor,lovely
D.J.,
Heidi; as she tries to steer the show back to dry land, as Tony
and
Marty menaces the studio with their BACK-WOODS inebriated college
FRAT-boy antics!!!...WHICH GOES TA SHOW YA, Kids!!!!!....ALCOHOL
AND INTERVIEWS DON'T MIX!!!STAY IN SCHOOL, YA HEAR, Bwah??!!!...Here
is
PART 1 OF 2, of the 'unedited transcripts',Folks!!! HEAR Twisted Sinema's TONY
Watt
ALMOST
GET KICKED OFF THE SHOW!!
Thrill TO MARTY Magee as he PONTIFICATEs ABOUT FILMING DOGGIE LOVE[?]
Marvel at INCOHERENT DRUNKEN AND METHADONE INDUCED, PSYCHO-
BABBLE...They're sick man, SICK!
...ALL PUBLISHED
RIGHT HERE... RIGHT NOW!!!!...AS MUCH AS ZE LAW ALLOWS!!
Here we Go!!!):

---------------------------

CINEPHILE [Radio Host Heidi Rayden]: O.k....Welcome back...Thanks
for
that track, Zowie...You are listening to 'Cinephile'; on this New
Years Day....

[TONY (in Mad-Hatter/style New Years Party Hat) AND MARTY LOUDLY
BLASTS THEIR PARTY HORNS...to shrill lingering noises as DJ/Heidi
continues speaking!...HEIDI (a.k.a. CINEPHILE) *LAUGHS
UNCOMFORTABLY*]

CINEPHILE: We are having a party here in the Studio!..I've got
Tony
Watt here and Martin Magee...Welcome Guys!

TONY:[*Elvis Voice*] Hiya,Baybuh!HEIDI-HEIDIE-HO!!!!!!!!!!..

ZOWIE:[to Tony, from booth] Um...You are killing the
windows...Ease
up on the volume...

CINEPHILE:[uncomfortable]... And as you can see,I've got to tame
my
guests today...

TONY [*As Drunk Dracula*] Vhil-l-le der vorld schleeps...Ve are
here
on de Rayyy-dio-oo-oo!

CINEPHILE: Yeah..Um..Martin...I mean, Tony....?

TONY: [semi-normal] Yes, ma'm?

CINEPHILE:We are 'On Air'..

[*Tony loudly Blasts his party horn*]

..Alright...


[nervous laughter]

... We want to make a good impression, don't we?...So Tony and ...
Martin
(are) here to talk about TWISTED SINEMA.So let's start by
discussing
the mandate, for your TWISTED SINEMA FILM FESTIVAL..Um..On your site [
www.tonywatt.com ] ,
you described the festival as: "Our lovely little international
renegade independent movie festival"..Why do you guys consider
your
Festival, 'renegade'?

TONY: Well, I tell ya what Heidi..Why don't everyone just go onto
triple "W" dot TWISTEDSINEMA.COM

[ www.twistedsinema.com ] ...that's SINEMA with an S ...We
put
[an] S, In SINema...They can get all the information they want
there..and we'll just talk about 'you'..So, how was your party
last
night?

CINEPHILE: Aah..Let's not and say we did...[laughs]..Let's stick
with
the interview , actually..


[Tony blasts his party-horn]


So, really let's talk about your mandate, for TWISTED SINEMA
FESTIVAL.

TONY:You wanna take it, Martin?


MARTIN:[*slow-even-mellow-drawl*] Well, TWISTED SINEMA is
aaah..is
very twisted [*laughs] !

TONY: Thank you,Martin..

MARTIN:...And aah,we showcase..ahh..Independent films at the
[censored] in Downtown Toronto ..[censored] College St. West..


TONY: Or, just College Street...

MARTIN: ..and [Censored]..

TONY: College and [Censored],north side....

MARTIN:..College and Clinton, north side...Well,ah..we do a once
a
monthly Film Festival..

[*Tony Blasts Horn*]

We Ahh.. We..solicite films...and they (filmmakers) send 'em in..

TONY:No,do you know what solicite means?...'Solicite' means we 'sell
it'!..We 'showcase' films, my bwah!...

CINEPHILE:O.K..uh...

TONY:(To MARTIN) You been readin' wit'out me,again?

CINEPHILE: Let's actually try to stick with the questions,
GUYS! ..So
really, what's the "mandate"..?


TONY:[off-mike] De Man Date's de Woman!..

CINEPHILE:..What's the reason behind your monthly festival?

TONY: Oh, I'll tell ya the reason why...Because there are great
films, great movies, great videos,great porno..but, we don't
showcase
porno...otherwise, we'd have more hits on our site. But,what we
do,
is we showcase the stuff, the brilliancy of international and
local
independent renegade moviemakers at our festivals...We do it,
like
Martin says,once a month and we ah..um..We started in Halloween,
we
established it Halloween, last year (2002)...and ah...we do it
every
month except,Decemder because we don't wanna compete against de
Santa
guy..!

[*Sound engineer, ZOWIE cues up Jazzy be-bop background music*]

..and aahh,that stuff..so at the end of the year (Halloween
2003),
we
are gonna compile the nominations and the votes from the
audience..which we do on 'rate cards'..and have an awards
ceremony
which we do for all these ..Ah.. beautiful..ah..

MARTIN: Filmmakers...

TONY; ..FILMMAKERS!..Yes, we got like Best Horror, Best
Thriller,Best
Sex Scene with a Parrot...

[*affects oriental vox*]

..lottsa
> > colour,lottsa feather, lottsa squaw-w-w-w!!


[*backgound laughter*]

CINEPHILE:O.k. ... So basically, you are a 'monthly' Film
> > festival...and not lots of Film Festivals are monthly...and
that's
great, but, 'yours' is...

[*party horn blasts*]

..You chose to have it at a basically, a restuarant... How's that
space working for you guys...

TONY: God,It's not a Restaurant!...It's more like a.. bar...!

MARTIN: It's a bar...

CINEPHILE; O.K. ...

TONY:Yes that's 'Caffe', meaning 'Coffee'...See it's Italian..It's
in Little Italy..[*affects Italian accent*].."[CENSORED] CAFF-
AY!",Y'know..basically,yes...

CINEPHILE: But, how has it worked on a technical level, in terms
of
screening films there, for you guys?


TONY: Well...well, the sound is pretty good, when Martin and I
don't
talk over it...Which we tend to do..What we do, is we ahh..pre-empt
each film with information , we talk about it and stuff like
that..and sometimes rudely; Martin talks during the screenings
and
I
have to smack him in the the head with a rubber-chicken...But,
ah..Basically,we just discuss each film, before we present it it,
with information thereof and we just hand out the 'ratecards' and
> > people vote..
[*takes a long, deep breath*]
We showcase each film..'short films' mostly..But, we do have a
few
FEATURES...But, whatever..We um..we just basically like to stick
to
SHORT SUBJECTS, because we like to fit in more, within the
> night..and
that..

CINEPHILE:So,how 'long' is it, a night..


[TONY & MARTIN raises eyebrows and snickers like mischievious
,wicked little schoolboys]


..of the TWISTED SINEMA SCREENINGS...what time does it start at?

TONY: Ah..We're supposed to start at 9, but, Martin does'nt
usually
have his coffee break 'til 9:30..So usually it fluctuates between
9
and 10 ... sometimes 8.. if the drugs kick in..

CINEPHILE: (PAUSE) O.K...And generally, how long will you screen
for..2 hours..3..?

TONY: We don't really have a set time; how much 9of the)time we
screen for...We basically screen 'til people get either bored or
they
leave...


CINEPHILE:I see.


TONY: And on our Web-site..Did I mention, we have a website? Triple "W" dot
TWISTEDSINEMA.COM [ WWW.TWISTEDSINEMA.COM ] ?

CINEPHILE: You did..yeah!

TONY: With an "S"?...By the way..A surprise for Martin too...I
bought
myself a TONYWATT.COM, domain name which links to the SITE..

MARTIN: You EGO-TESTICLE...[Laughs]

TONY: It's true..I did!..'Cos I did'nt want..

CINEPHILE:Alright[Laughs]...ahem..

TONY:You look up...[to Martin] Martin,like.. Y'know, [to
Cinephile]
I did'nt want like, people looking up my name on the computer and
linking up to one of those..y'know fetish sites..with leather and all
that stuff so..I basically did it


[Zowie adjusts Tony's micro-phone]


..thank you!...TONYWATT.COM the..

CINEPHILE: Let's talk about how the festival 'evolved'... TRY and
REALLY stick to the reason I BROUGHT YOU guys [smiling,grits
teeth],
right?[*nervous laugh*]'Cause that IS the point...

TONY: Hang on...


[*Tony blasts party horn,affecting the lingering sound of a dying
elephant*]

CINEPHILE: (pause)Very good...Tony can...blow his horn!

TONY : [*SPEACHLESS*]

MARTIN: [LAUGHS ASS OFF, WITH ZOWIE & "CINEPHILE" HOST]

CINEPHILE:O.K. ... So guys,how did the festival evolve and
y'know...Why monthly..as opposed to an annual festival?

TONY:Can I answer the second question, first (and Martin)can
answer
the first question, second?

CINEPHILE: Which-ever order... you like.

TONY: It's monthly,because...Well, y'know... you got these festivals,
see...when Martin and I ..Well, when I first started.. doin'
independent films independent films..You go to the festivals..you
feel like a star..and next minute you're back to your
regular 'joe-
job'..or on welfare..eatin' cheese and aaah, Kraft dinners!So,
what
we figured...With these Festivals...You gotta have something for
everyone to look forward to...you can't fall in love with a like
say,
a person..If you can only see them once a year..You have to see
them
at 'least'..

[ZOWIE adjusts tony's mike, tony affects elvis vox]

..Thenkyaw..thenkyaw verrah much!..Just ah..adjustin' my
microphone
here..you have to see 'em at least once a month, because we get
to
screen a lotta great movies... we get to SCREEN OUT a lot of the
crappy ones...So we do it monthly, because..well, it keeps the
buzz
goin'...you get to hear about the festival, more...It's always in
the
news...ah, Martin is a 'media darling'...He's..He's got a face
and
body made for radio..We love 'im!...And ahh, we been doin'
[*fumbles
words*] prin..uh...puhell..PUH-HUH..Press ..Let me
> rewind..BRRRR...WE
DO PRESS AH we do , PRINT AND REGULAR t.v....ah..stuff with the
press...We do internet stuff...So we get..The Festival's gettin'
to
be known Internationally. We get a lot of good films from
overseas,
as well as local..and ah...I guess the first question is...How..

CINEPHILE: How did the festival evolve..


TONY: How did we get star-rted..!

CINEPHILE:Yeah,exactly!

TONY:(Tony points to Heidi's Notes)You got it written down,right
dere..!

CINEPHILE:Martin, do you want to take that question...Do you want
to
tell us how the festival 'evolved'?

MARTIN: It evolved from Halloween, 2002..

TONY: LIAR!

MARTIN: [*laughs*]..And aahhh...We took it from there...The First
screening was..ahh.. semi-succesful..

[Tony snickers]

TONY; We played for the cleaning woman...[*BLASTS HIS PARTY HORN*]

MARTIN:The second festival was hugely successful...and originally
Tony wanted a weekly festival..but,I had to convince him that it was
too much for us...

TONY:We could have wedding videos..

MARTIN:So we have it monthly...

TONY: Letspartyconsultants...

MARTIN: Aah..

TONY:....dot com!!

MARTIN: Yeah..!..So,ah..

CINEPHILE:Did you find difficult..y'know...In terms of picking a venue... was
it difficult, y'know to find a restaurant, a bar...a
place that would agree..?..

TONY; Yes..

MARTIN:Yeah..

CINEPHILE: ..To hold a screening?

TONY: You would'nt believe the toilets that turned us down!They didn't believe
a festival like this could be done in a bar..

CINEPHILE: So, for all of our listeners..Why don't you..You know,
there could be someone out there who is listening who may be
interested in starting a festival of some sort..tell us how..

TONY:[ *as Dracula*] Isssh dere ehny bah-ddy out dere?

CINEPHILE:..you can APPROACH..getting a venue?...

TONY: Anyone who wants to start a festival?..No, we wouldn't
wanna
say that, because we don't wanna aid the competition!...But, it takes
a lotta money...and a lotta headaches... and a running credit
card!

CINEPHILE: (A very long pause) Right...alright..

MARTIN: A lot of dedication..

TONY: No, no dedication at all...

CINEPHILE: A running credit-card is always good...and on that
note
[to ZOWIE] ... Zowie..Are you ready to cut to a track?

Zowie: Yeeeaahhh!Most definitely!..

CINEFILE:Yeah? Alright...O.k Let's take a quick music break...


[*TONY AND MARTIN BLASTS THEIR HORNS*]

Zowie: I'm ready to cut to a track...The Fearless Vampire
Killers!..And we're gonna keep it locked on 89.5 fm!!


[music cued as Heidi gives Tony shit off air...TO BE CONTINUED Wednesday! !!]-


------------------------------------------------------------------


WOWWW-WWW! STAY TUNED KIDS FOR THE CONCLUSION Wednesday, April, 30th ...ON
'PART 2' OF THE
EARTH-SHATTERING INTERVIEW FOLKS!!!!...WILL TONY SURVIVE
> HEIDI?..WILL
MARTIN KEEP HIS EYES OFF HEIDI'S BUTTOCKS?..WILL ZOWIE EVER FIX
TONY'S MICROPHONE...STAY TUNED FOLKS FOR THE STELLAR-SUSPENSE AND
NUT-
BREAKING CONCLUSION TO "THE TWISTED SINEMA 89.5 T.O.RADIO
TRANSCRIPTS
PART 2!!!!!"[OUR FIRST DANGED RADIO INTERVIEW!!!MARTY MAGEE & TEE-DUBYA!-
WWW.TONYWATT.COM
CHEERZ!]

INITIAL CINEPHILE CONTACT BELOW FOR YOU LATE BLOOMERS BELOW!! :

> > CHEERZ,HERR MEMBAHS!
> > > (WORD TO YER Frat Pack!)
> > > -The Twisted Sinema B00-yz!!!
> > > In TWISTEDSINEMA@yahoogroups.com, tony watt
> > wrote:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > tony watt wrote:
> > > > HIYA KID'S TONY DA WEBHOST HEAR...i GOTTA CALL FROM A REAL
> > > CHARMER..A REAL SWEET LADY RADIO HOST ACTRESS...HEIDI R....OF
> WHOM
> > > EXTENDED ME DIS INVITATION...AM I GONNA DO DIS?...YA DAMN
> RIGHT....
> > > CHECK IT OUT.... T.W....... P.S. WED. NIGHTS AT THE LATTE CAFFE
> > (t.o.
> > > IS NETWORKING KAREOKE NIGHT...SO IF YA GOT SOMETHING TO
SELLLI'M
> > DERE
> > > AFTER 10PM...NOW, HEEEEEEEEERE'S HEIDI!!!.....
> > > > Heidi Muroff wrote:
> > > > Hey Tony,
> > > >
> > > > You had called our radio show (Cinephile, 89.5f.m.) when we
> were
> > > doing our fundraising show (I spoke to you)...a couple weeks
> ago.
> > I
> > > love what your doing for indie film, I was supposed to come out
> to
> > > your last event but got booked for work so couldn't.
> > > >
> > > > Would you like to come on our show for Jan.1/03 - that's in 2
> > > weeks - not this Wednesday but next - from 12p.m. to 1p.m? We
> have
> > an
> > > opening and we could give you the full show which is an hour
and
> > > basically talk about what you do and the indie film scene here
in
> > > T.O. - I would be interviewing you.
> > > >
> > > > Let me know if you're interested.
> > > >
> > > > Cheers,
> > > >
> > > > Heidi Rayden
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > >From: tony watt >To: headvah@h... >Date: Thu, 19 Dec 2002
> > > 22:23:18 -0500 (EST) > > >Heidi, > >this is Tony Watt... I hope
> you
> > > are having a great holiday season1 > >The Fest is going great
and
> > the
> > > club that I am doing the moviefest at is now booking all
original
> > > acts...The Twisted Sinema Magazine is being spun off from our
> > > official web-site at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TWISTEDSINEMA
> >
> > > >WE PUT THE 'SIN' IN CINEMA!! > >-CHEERS! > > > > > >-----------
--
> --
> > --
> > > ---------------- >Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada
Personals
> > > >
> > > > ---------------------------------
> > > > Add photos to your messages with MSN 8. Get 3 months FREE*.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > ---------------------------------
> > > > Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada Personals
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > ---------------------------------
> > > > Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada Personals




---------------------------------
Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada Personals


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]