ITESH PILLAAI

FILMFARE.COM


Yeh Kahaan Aa Gaye Hum

/photo.cms?msid=2136963 On October 11, Amitabh Bachchan turns a year
older. Jitesh Pillaai takes notes while Rekha looks back with awe and
affection

Memories come rushing back like drops of rain pelting my head. Every
drop of rain, a tender emotion, every sheet of water releases a
frisson of feelings. It's so easy to gush about someone who has been
an inexorable part of my life for over three decades now.

Amitji has been a part of my consciousness ever since I saw him create
magic on screen in Parwana playing the intense, silent yet obsessive
lover opposite Yogeeta Bali. Incidentally, Yogeeta was the one who
introduced us at Madras airport.

Whatever I am as an actor, I owe 100 per cent to him. I just soaked in
whatever he had to offer just observing him. And all of that comes
back to me like a time release pill. Every time I'm stuck or have a
mental block during a performance, I refer back to whatever I've
learnt from him. And everything else takes care of itself.

There is no learning like first-hand experience. In that sense, Amitji
who is an institution has been my school, my college, my university.
You can't drill or force a child to inculcate discipline. You need to
create an atmosphere by just being everything that you want him or her
to be. It's like the guru-shishya parampara. Similarly, Amitji created
the perfect mahol (environment) for me just by virtue of being
himself. And the irony is that he was totally oblivious of the impact
he had on mine or anybody else's life. And mind you, he's never ever
taught me anything or helped me with my scenes or stuff like that.
Just his presence and spirit contributed to my métier as an actor and
as a human being.

This may sound like a completely demented, obsessive fan's
outpouring. Call it what you will but it's my point of view. Amitji
brought the whiff of purity, integrity, honesty in every gesture of
his on and off screen. To employ a terrible cliché, he is `to the
manner born'. His sense of aesthetics, his baritone, his voice
modulation and his performances have been discussed ad nauseum.
Without hesitation, let me reiterate that Amitji has contributed
immeasurably to me being an actor.

He's like my inner conscience which guides me through life and my
performances. The conscience does not consciously teach you anything.
It's always there. You just tap into it whenever you need it. As time
goes by, I believe it's more and more real, like the voice of God. You
may not get to see it but you feel it all the time. Because Amitji is
so real, his consistency is so real. The simplicity and beauty of it
is that he knows no other way.

To me he is a unique human being. And I don't mean that as a
compliment. God intended all of us to be unique individuals and excel
in our unique qualities. It's just that in today's what's-in-it-for-me
culture where people have hidden agendas, where everyone is conniving,
strategising and networking, people tend to make a big deal out of
natural virtues as something out of the ordinary or extraordinary.

And Amitji is completely nidhaal (oblivious) of his genuine qualities
as a human being. Thank God for that. There is someone above who keeps
count and tallies everything for him. So, in that sense, Amitji is
truly protected He just has to think of something in his mind and
nature conspires to make it happen for him. It's a perfect paradox,
the more he's scarred, tried and tested, the more he grows in stature
and strength.

For someone like me who's grown up in an atmosphere without any role
models, my mother had always told me to toughen up to face the studios
very early in life. So in that sense, when I met this person jinhone
apna ek muqammal mahol bana liya tha, I was totally fascinated. He was
the perfect son, the perfect father and the perfect husband. I
remember during the outdoor shooting of Ganga Ki Saugandh, he'd pine
for Shweta and Abhishek. So he would be carrying their films shot on
projector and albums with their photographs. I remember every day
unfailingly, he'd write to his mother (Teji Bachchan) and she'd write
back even if it was just two lines. Mind you, I was just a mute
spectator to the goings-on. But all the events come back like a
cascading waterfall when I talk. As if it was just yesterday.

The Bachchan phenomenon didn't just happen one fine day. He's worked
his head off for his craft. Sure, he was talented, had a theatre
background but above everything was the fact that he is living proof
that there are no short cuts to success. He too had his share of
trials and tribulations before he was proclaimed a superstar.

Amitji is filled with self-doubt and insecurities. But that's only
because as an actor, he wants to ace every performance of his. His
standards are phenomenally high. Even today he rehearses his lines and
his dance steps. After all these years of success and experience, he
doesn't need to. But he still aspires to be better than his best self.

I remember mucking up my long pages of dialogue in Do Anjaane. And I
heard him muttering under his breath, "Kum se kum apna dialogue toh
yaad kar lijiye." You know me. I was this mast maula sleepwalking
through my films until I started working with Amitji. But please let
me hasten to add, he has NEVER ever commented on my performances—Good,
bad, indifferent— he couldn't care less.

Early on I learnt that he was blessed by the Creator. Every time he
is down and out, his inner reserves produce some strange magical
enzymes of energy and he fights back like a scorned lover. There will
never be another angry young man like him on and off screen. He has
exclusive rights on that unvaan (title). I believe there is an innate
rebel in him which comes through in his performances even in his
silent intense roles. Be it his near-fatal injury on the sets of
Coolie, the muck-racking during his political stint, his comebacks
which were ridiculed by the press, he's survived all that and more.
His patience, his understanding of people and situations and
acceptance with utter grace absolutely baffles me.

With Zen-like stoicism he braved all the elements. People say that he
did television and so many films just to clear his debts. DEBTS?
Hello, khuda kare aise debts hum ko bhi mile. But nobody could have
handled the critics like he did. For crying out loud, he not only
rewrote television history but ushered in the golden era of the idiot
box. He gave a mere game show the stature of an award winning
performance. We've heard of the Midas touch. Now, we know of the
Bachchan untouchable touch too.

One of my earliest interactions with him was doing the song sequence
in Madh Island for Duniya Ka Mela. He was replaced by Sanjay Khan
because he was considered unlucky by the producers. Imagine! And me
being me, I was blissfully unaware. I'd keep thinking, "Arre maine toh
yeh gaana Amitji ke saath kiya tha. Ab wapas Sanjay Khan ke saath kyon
karva rahe hain?"

The razor sharp, pensive look in his eyes said it all. He would and
could never fake a shot. Mind you, he was a great actor, so even if it
was the worst phase of his life, you'd never be able to tell. It was a
case of mind over matter. And the camera, his greatest love ever,
never let him down. He always had a true, honest-to-goodness
relationship with the camera. The camera loved him, it highlighted his
strengths, it camouflaged his rare indifferences. I believe that his
relationship with the camera is unconditional, it's his best buddy. It
protects and enhances every nuance of his like only a mother is
capable of.
The Bachchan phenomenon hit me like a ton of bricks during the
outdoor shoot of Do Anjaane. Deewaar had just been released and
declared a stupendous hit. We were at a charity cricket match in
Kolkata. And it hit me! There were a sea of faces all in that long
over the ears AB hairstyle with sidelocks, knotted shirts and bell
bottoms. I remember Dilipsaab (Kumar) graciously walking Amitji down
the pavilion and across the field and the roars of shouting, howling
and whistling heralding the new superstar.

If he willed something, he'd do it. I remember how fond of food he
was, a real gourmand. On the sets of Ganga Ki Saugandh, we had a
rasmalai eating competition during the lunch break. I knocked back
about six rasmalais and I wanted to throw up. But Amitji polished off
some 25 of them and even drank up the milk which is unbearably sweet.
But when he had to give up sweets for health reasons, he just
abstained. He gave up smoking, drinking, went off non-vegetarian food
and sweets. Now, that's commendable. That inspired me and taught me
the importance of using your will power. Shortly after that, I too
became vegetarian and have no regrets whatsoever.

I can never forget how intently he'd listen to his directors—be it
Hrishida, Manmohan Desai or Prakash Mehra—he was game for any
adventure. No risk was too dangerous. We were shooting in Hrishikesh
for Ganga Ki Saugandh. The late Sultan Ahmed wanted him to ride on a
horse on the rickety and precariously suspended Laxman Jhoola bridge.
He'd say, "Jeeva, yaar tera character ghode pe gallop
karega...khadarak khadarak, karke." Now those who've been to that
bridge know that only one person can walk on it at a time as it sways
dangerously. But Amitji was game. The shot was taken atop a helicopter
while he effortlessly galloped on horseback on that creaky bypass.
God, I sent out a silent prayer after that scene was canned but he was
so nonchalant.

Once I stealthily entered a dubbing studio and saw him dub for
Muqaddar Ka Sikandar. It was during that film, the rock-n-roll form of
dubbing started in India. Earlier we'd only dub the outdoor portions
as everything else was sync sound. With Muqaddar, the trend of dubbing
for every single reel started. We had the luxury of being able to hear
and see the dubbed version instantly.

I learnt voice projection, the throw of voice, to avoid the blow of
the mike, the parting of lips and to create the effect of a sigh
before starting a dialogue thanks to Amitji. I'll be eternally
grateful to him for that. The sound recordist Rane saab would tell me,
"Sunoh bachi Amitji ko dekho aur kuch seekho." If you hear my dialogue
in Muqaddar Ka Sikandar in comparison to my earlier films, you will
see a marked difference. Even the 12-page death sequence dialogue I
said was done in one take at Mohan studio. It was my first day of
shooting, I had returned with a thick British accent after a two-month
holiday in London. But Amitji's presence acche achon ko theek kar deta
hai. So what better way than to die in Mr Bachchan's arms? And my fans
would agree that the scene was to die for.

Did I just say that Amitji was professionalism personified and that he
never let on what he was going through? I remember we were in Richmond
Park in London shooting the Teri rab ne banadi jodi for Suhaag. It was
biting cold, Parveen Babi and I'd be huddled in blankets with
chattering teeth, while Amitji dressed as a Sardar would be there in
his fake beard braving the winter. He came up to us and led us to a
place near the generator where hot fumes from the exhaust gave us some
warmth. Later I learnt from Shashiji (Kapoor) that Amitji had been
detected with acute jaundice but didn't want to let on. When I see
that song today, I shudder to think that you can't tell he was
suffering so much. But then that's so typical of him.

He's truly a yaaron ka yaar. As far as his friends go, Amjad (Khan)
bhai and Amitji apart from being fellow Librans were very close. We
were in Goa when Amjad bhai met with a car accident. He was very
critical. We were all in Goa, I was shooting Do Musafir with Shashiji,
while Amitji was shooting for the Great Gambler with Zeenat. We stayed
at the same hotel. I remember looking out of the restaurant window,
Amitji at the poolside in the dead of the night weeping copiously,
looking totally lost and didibai silently comforting him. Thankfully
Amjad recovered soon enough.

Amitji is not childhish, he's childlike. He's an old soul with a
child's mind. The way in which he's still maintained his boyish charm
never ceases to amaze me. Like I said, it's the perfect paradox—he is
a blend of innocence and wisdom. And perhaps that's why he suffers.
People who think that they can take advantage of him are only deluding
themselves. Make no mistake, no one can take Amitji for a ride. He's
so aware of everything and is extremely perceptive by nature. He's
generous to a point of fault and that's why there are moments when he
is blessed with the courage to suffer fools gladly.

His moments on screen are so fluid. It's like a continuous rhythm
when he acts. Have you seen his stance when he's about to run? It's
like a kinetic process. It's almost as if the camera is in elliptical
slow motion. It was only years later that I realised that I was
subconsciously trying to adapt that same fluidity in my horse-riding
scene in Khoon Bhari Maang, Remember the sequence, where with a whip
in one hand, I lash Kabir (Bedi) going round and round with a horse in
circles. The truth is that no one could ever replicate the natural
feline grace of his movements. One knows by now that it's just a
futile exercise. And what do you know? The Bachchan effect was not
lost on wild animals too. In Mr Natwarlal, he had to grapple with a
tigress in a cage. We had our hearts in our mouths, when Amitji
offered his hand to the animal in a gesture of friendship. Before we
knew it that tigress was purring contentedly and was happily eating
out of his hands. Tigress ko bhi ishq ho gaya unse.

It's a known fact that my father is the Kaadhal Mannan (king of
romance) of the South. But to me no actor enacts every term in the
book which concerns romance and does more justice than Amitji does.
And he does all this with endearing gestures which are his sole
patents and can never be duplicated ever. The world believes that
Amitji and I had huge chemistry.

I must confess that I'm not by nature the kind who analyses or
dissects every experience of my life. I'm reminded of Gulzar bhai's
lines which succinctly express my situation: Humne dekhi hain in
aakhon ki mehekti khusboo... haat se chuke inhe rishton ka ilzaam na
do... ek ehsaas hai yeh rooh se mehsoos karo... pyaar ko pyaar hi
rehne do koi naam na do...

When people talk to me about this on screen appeal the Pardesiya
sequence from Mr Natwarlal comes to mind. Amitji and I were
choreographer Kamal master's favourites. So he'd work out steps for us
accordingly. I think that fluidity comes into play here. And the
camera caught that. I was pleasantly surprised to find my partner in
dance sequences who complemented me in every step. My fans write to me
that the Yeh kahan aa gaye from Silsila is one of my most romantic
songs ever and keep asking me if it was for real. What can I say but
that it's the power of the magical movies. And somehow the audience
also catches on and wants to believe that vibe is for real. Or else
how do you explain a song like that becoming such a universal rage?

After Ram Balram, we didn't get a chance to work together for a long
time until Silsila. I remember shooting the `I hate you' at Lodhi
garden with Amitji. It was my big moment. To make matters worse,
Richard Attenborough's Gandhi was being shot next door. The entire
crowd had poured onto our set. As always I was nervous as hell and
wanted to run away. Amitji was his usual deadpan cool dude self.
Sensing my panic, he asked me, "Kya hua bhai, what's the problem?" I
replied that I was intimidated by the crowds and wanted to drop dead.
Then he told me an anecdote about James Dean who during a shoot, peed
in public to rid himself of his fear of crowds I was like, "Thank you,
that makes me feel so much better. Now I can die in peace." However we
did that scene in one straight take. Don't ask me how I did it, I just
thanked my lucky stars and got the hell out of there. With super duper
professionals like Mr Bachchan, there's no other way out. One just
lives, experiences and never forgets.

My loss is that I didn't get a chance to share the phenomenal growth
of Amitji as an actor. So would you blame me for being thrilled when
his producers requested me to dub for Neetu Singh in Yaaraana, Sridevi
in Aakhri Raasta, Jayasudha and the late Soundarya in Suryavansham?

When fans write to me and question why we haven't worked together
after Silsila, the only rational answer that I can think of is that
the wait to be able to co-star with Amitji is worth it. That
everything happens for the right reason at the right time. And I'd
attribute that to the better judgment of the directors who believe
that they've yet to come across something worthy of our calibre. I
truly believe that sabr ka phal meetha hota hai. In this case, time is
not of the essence. That I know for sure.

What kind of dua can I offer him on his birthday? I hope that everyone
is as fortunate as me to live a life with a role model like Amitji. I
hope he realises his full potential and never underestimates his
power. May he always be blessed with serenity of mind and body. I wish
and pray he's in optimum health always. Just imagine the impact when
Amitji finally becomes aware of his true unique qualities. Right now,
he's blissfully unaware of the way he's impacted any and every one
who's been remotely touched by his presence. Amitabh Bachchan is an
experience. You have to feel the full blast to understand it. Like
always, memories keep rushing back and fill the vacant spaces between
my thoughts... what else can I say now... to reiterate a line from
Silsila, "Jo baat labzon mein adaa ho jaaye woh baat hi kya..."

My favourites

Saudagar
I react to his performance here like a woman not just an ardent fan.
The complexity he brought to his role, being married to an older
woman, playing the typical Indian man without seeming too
chauvinistic. It was edgy no doubt.

Parwana
The dark brooding possessive lover. That `look' in his eyes, Wow!

Adalat
I loved the relationship with his wife, the way he speaks to Waheedaji
in the Awadhi dialect. The relationship with his son and his belief
zulm ka badla zulm. And contrast the manner in which he speaks English
in his clipped British accent!

Abhimaan
I adored Amitji in Abhimaan. The scene where he holds didibai (Jaya
Bachchan) with her wet hair and pulls her down to him was just too
much! And his touching his lower lip as a sign language to suggest
intimacy was such a subtle touch. The silent suffering that his wife
was more popular than him was so brilliantly portrayed.

Don
Nobody, I repeat NOBODY speaks Awadhi like Amitji. He is the original
Ganga kinaarewala. A complete natural. Again the two contrasting
characters are simply a treat to watch... again and again

Shakti
I love the silences in Shakti. Especially the scene after Raakheeji's
death where he quietly comes and places his hand on his father's arm.

Namak Halal
I like everything about that performance. Like Padosan, it's timeless.
An instant pick-me-up movie.

Sharaabi
It's my all-time favourite performance. It scores even higher than
Deewaar for me. He subtly tells you the difference between being a
drunkard and an alcoholic. The little touches of normalcy he adds to a
complete alcoholic were masterly. It was an effortless performance. No
theatrics, exaggeration. He wasn't playing to the gallery; he wasn't
trying to prove a point. The only other performance of his that comes
anywhere close is the one in Black. I don't think he can ever repeat
or excel the Sharaabi portrayal. And dare I say... all you remake
specialists out there don't even try this one.

Silsila
I remember the dialogue, "Dukh toh is baat ka hai ke maine anjaane
mein tumhe dukh pahunchaaya hai." How can love and passion be
performed more real than that? What a phew-nomenal piece of craft. No
wonder the world believed that the triangle was for real.