Trapped (R)

Title: Trapped
Author: Michelle Perry
Rating: R to be safe, contains reference to a past rape and drug
abuse.
Archive: please ask first
Feedback: Please!
Disclaimer: Trapped is mine, with a vin inspired hero
Summary: A husband and wife on their way to sign divorce papers are
trapped in an elevator.


"Hold the elevator!"

Automatically, I grabbed the door, even though I recognized her
voice.

"Thank you." She stepped inside without looking at me and moved
toward the back of the car.

She was so beautiful. It wasn't even official yet, but already my
heart ached from the loss of her.

"You're welcome," I said, as the doors slid shut.

Her startled green eyes flew to my face and she moved toward the
door.

Exasperated, I said, "We've been married for two years,
Nikki. Can't we even share an elevator?"

For a split second, a look of pain crossed her face, but she covered
it quickly. I wished I knew what she was thinking.

"Fine," she murmured. A wave of dark hair hid her face
as she ducked her head and stared at the floor.

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who's late," I said, feeling some
strange need to fill the silence. "Traffic."

She said nothing. That was Nikki's way of handling things. She
said nothing. Her silence, as always, tore at me.

I looked up at the elevator buttons. The fifth floor button
briefly lit and I prayed no one would join us. This might be the
only chance I had to get through to her, to figure out what was
going on. Seven floors above us, on somebody's desk, papers awaited
our signatures.

Amazing how a marriage could be written off on a few typed pages.

I'd thought I knew the woman across from me better than I knew
anyone. I knew her favorite song, her favorite food, what it was
like to make love to her in the moonlight on some faraway beach, but
now it seemed I didn't know her at all.

"How the hell did we end up like this, Nik?" I asked.

Her head jerked up, but she didn't speak. I watched a tear slip
down her cheek and longed to brush it away with my thumb.

I tried again. "Does it have to be like this?"

Suddenly, the elevator lurched to a stop. The lights flickered off,
and the emergency lights came on.

Nikki shot me an accusing look, as though I was the one
responsible.

Maybe I was. Maybe I'd wished it.

"What's going on?" she demanded.

"I don't know."

"Call someone on the emergency phone. Do something," she said.

I picked up the red phone and tried to dial
out. "Nothing. It's busy," I told her.

She strode over and took it out of my hand, like she didn't believe
me.

"What's the hurry?" I asked, throwing my hands wide. "We're the
guests of honor. They can't start the party without us."

"That's not funny, J.T.," she whispered.

"None of this is funny." The pain and frustration of the past few
weeks surged inside me, threatening to spill over. "I haven't seen
you in two months, Nikki. I came home from work and you were gone.
No note, no anything. Then you don't even call. Some lawyer calls
and tells me my marriage is over. I thought we were happy. Now
I'm losing you and I don't even know why."

"What is wrong with this thing?" she cried, and banged on the
elevator door with her fists.

She jerked open her purse and rummaged for something, probably her
cell phone.

She looked terrified and that puzzled me more than anything. Nikki
had no reason to fear me.

Her purse slipped from her fingers and its contents spilled onto the
elevator floor. A fat brown pill bottle rolled toward my feet.
Curious, I picked it up. Nikki never took medication.

The words on the label stole my breath.

"Prenatal vitamins?" I managed. "Nikki, you're pregnant?"

Tears streamed down her cheeks, but she ignored me as she scooped
her things off the elevator floor and stuffed them in her purse.

"I don't understand."

Suddenly, it hit me and I took a staggering step backwards. "It's
not mine, is it?"

Nikki turned her back to me. Her shoulders shook with sobs.

"I don't know," she squeaked.

My world crashed around me. All along, I'd been sure this was some
stupid mistake, positive our love was so strong that we could fix
whatever it was. Now I wasn't sure of anything.

I grabbed her shoulders and spun her around, forcing her to look at
me. "Who is it?" I demanded. "Who are you having an affair with?"

"It's not like that," she gasped.

"What's it like then? Tell me, dammit."

"I can't…"

"Who is it?" I yelled, standing so close my breath moved her
hair. "I deserve to know that much, anyway."

"Your brother."

The words hung between us, but they made no sense to me. The only
brother I had was just a kid, nineteen years old. It seemed I spent
half my life trying to get Chris out of trouble, trying to get him
off drugs. Nikki couldn't have had an affair—

"He raped me, J.T."

"What?"

"He came by the house the night you had to fly to Washington, wild
on something and begging me for food. I know you told me not to let
him in if you weren't there, but I felt sorry for him." She stared
at the ceiling, her green eyes swimming in tears. "Jesus…I felt
sorry for him."

Her words hit me like a punch in the gut. She was waiting for me to
say something, but I couldn't even breathe.

"I was making him a sandwich and he put a butcher knife to my
throat. He forced me into the bedroom and raped me on the quilt my
grandmother made for our wedding."

She was angry, screaming and I had never felt so helpless in my
life. "He passed out in the doorway and I was afraid to try to get
past him. I locked myself in the bathroom and spent the night in
the tub."

Abruptly, my numbness was washed away by fury. It throbbed within
me, relentless and savage as a toothache. "I'm going to kill him."

"No, J.T.—"

"After all I've done for him. I'm going to hunt him down—"

Nikki grabbed my arm. "No, J.T., you can't." She shook her
head. "I don't think Chris has any idea it happened."

"What do you mean?"

"I told you, he was out of his mind on something. When I finally
got up the nerve to come out of the bathroom the next day, he was
standing by the stove, cooking eggs. He talked to me like nothing
was wrong, asked me how I liked my omelets. Like he hadn't just—"

Nikki clamped her hand over her mouth and gagged. She sank to the
floor and hugged her knees.

I sat beside her and folded her in my arms. She stiffened and tried
to pull away, but I held on tighter.

Finally, she relaxed and sobbed against my shirt.

"Baby, why didn't you tell me?" I asked. "Why did you file for
divorce?"

"I know how much you love Chris," she sniffed. "I didn't want…I
didn't know what to do."

"All those showers," I said quietly and she nodded.

The week before she left, Nikki started showering compulsively.
She'd shower before bed, shower when she got up. And she'd stopped
letting me touch her. After she left, I'd wondered if it was me
she'd been trying to wash off.

"I can't get…clean. I feel so dirty, so contaminated. All I can
think about is Chris and those needles. What if he gave me AIDS or
God knows what else? I can't give that to you. I've had two tests
already, but it could be years before something like that shows up.
I can't make love to you. I can't be a wife."

"You are my wife, and I don't care about anything but helping you
get through this. We'll get through this together."

"I don't know if I can get through this," she said miserably. "I
can't eat. I can't sleep." She swiped at her eyes and sighed. "I
know it's crazy, and it's not like Chris is coming after me, but
sometimes I can't even leave my apartment. I lost my job last week."

I didn't know what to say. I was still reeling. Hurt because she
had been hurt. Angry that someone I loved—someone I'd always tried
to take care of—had done this to her. How would I ever be able to
look at Chris again?

But I couldn't worry about him now. Nikki was all that mattered.

The elevator lurched and someone yelled through the door. "Anybody
in there?"

"Yes!" Nikki yelled.

"You folks hang on. We'll have you out of there in a second."

I wanted to tell them to go away. I was afraid that when those
doors opened, Nikki would run away from me again.

I took her hands and begged, "Come home with me."

She shook her head violently. "I don't think I can go back there."

"Let me come home with you then." Hesitation flashed in her eyes
and I said, "Please, Nik. Don't shut me out. We need to talk."

The elevator jerked again and the lights came back on. I stood and
reached for her hand. She stared at me for a long moment and then
slipped her hand inside mine. I helped her to her feet, and then
wrapped my arms around her again. As I kissed the top of her head,
my hopes surged when she hugged me back.

"I can't promise you anything," she whispered.

"It's okay. I just want to talk. Figure out what we need to do."

Nikki nodded and pulled away from me to smooth her skirt and wipe
her eyes. For the first time, I noticed how much weight she'd lost
and remembered the baby.

Nikki was pregnant.

My thoughts were a blur as the emergency workers pried open the
elevator doors. I scarcely knew what to think, or what to feel.

Nikki called her lawyer as we waited on a taxi. "Something's
happened," she said. "We'll have to reschedule. No, I don't know
when. I need to talk to my husband."

She hung up and slipped her hand inside mine. It felt so cold and
fragile, and again I just wanted to smash Chris's face for ever
hurting her.

I don't think we said anything on the long ride to Nikki's
apartment, but it was enough to just be beside her, to hold her.
Instead of avoiding me, she seemed to be drawing comfort from my
touch and I was more than glad to give it to her. She actually gave
me a little smile as we stood in front of the elevator.

"You feeling lucky?" she asked.

I smiled and kissed her hand. "Lucky enough. I'm here with you."

But my mood faded as we stepped inside the apartment. We were in
real trouble here.

The smell of bleach and cleanser permeated the air. Nikki had
always handled stress by cleaning, but this was different. It
scared me. The place was obsessively, sparklingly clean and bare.
Her sole furnishing was a mattress in the middle of the living room
floor.

It broke my heart to think of how she'd suffered alone. I should've
tried harder to find her. I should've known she needed me, but I'd
been too blinded by my own hurt and confusion to see it.

I sat on the edge of the mattress and she sat beside me. "What
about the baby?" I asked.

"I don't know." She put her face in her hands and gave a helpless
laugh. "I stole your toothbrush. Did you notice I'd left you a new
one?"

"No," I replied, puzzled by this new line of conversation.

"I sent it off to have a DNA profile done on it, along with mine. I
have to wait two more weeks before my doctor will do the
amniocentesis. I have to know if it's your baby or Chris's." She
choked up again. "That's the only thing that's kept me hanging on,
J.T., the hope that this baby is yours and not his."

Had she considered suicide? The thought terrified me.

"What about Chris?" I asked. "Are you going to press charges?"

She shook her head. "No. I don't want to do that. He's your
brother—"

"That doesn't matter."

"It does to me. How could I look at your parents again? He's just
a kid, and he doesn't even know what he did."

"He hurt you, Nik. He deserves to be punished. He needs to know
what he did."

"Not until after the tests. If this baby is his, he gets no choice
in what happens to it." The pain in her voice seared me. I knew how
badly Nikki wanted a baby. The fact that she was even considering
abortion showed me how devastated she was.

"I don't know if I could love something that came from that night.
I don't know if I could ever look at it without remembering."

"I'll be here, whatever you decide. I love you, Nikki."

"I love you, too. I'm so sorry…for everything."

"It's not your fault. None of it."

I lay back on the mattress and she lay beside me, resting her head
on my chest.

"I've missed you so much," she whispered.

We talked for a long time, then she went to sleep in my arms. I
couldn't sleep for thinking about Chris. I'd always tried to help
him, get him off that stuff, but now I wondered if this was my
fault. Maybe I shouldn't have always run to bail him out. Had he
hurt other women? I didn't know where to go from here, but I knew
that some sort of confrontation was coming. I couldn't look at him
and pretend this hadn't happened.

The next day, I pulled some strings and got us an appointment with a
therapist. Dr. Green was a friend of a friend and even though Nikki
protested at first, I think the sessions really helped her in ways
that I couldn't.

The therapist told her the same thing I did, that she needed to
confront Chris, but Nikki refused. She didn't want him to know
until she had those test results.

Her emotions ran so hot I feared for her and the baby, but her face
began to lose that taut, pinched look. I avoided Chris and took
vacation time from work. I was with her when her obstetrician did
the amnio and paid an extra $500 to get the test back in ten days.

I don't think either of us slept a wink the night before we got the
results. Nikki sat ramrod straight in the chair and clutched my
hand with both of hers as Dr. Andrews studied the results. She and
Dr. Green had consulted on the case and I felt an immediate sense of
relief when she pushed her glasses up on her nose and smiled.

Extending her hand across the desk, she said, "Let me be the first
to offer my congratulations…Dad."

The tension that held Nikki so rigid deflated like air going out of
a tire. I shook Dr. Andrew's hand and then took Nikki in my arms
and kissed the top of her head.

"Are you sure?" she asked anxiously. "Chris is his brother, after
all."

"99.989 percent sure," Dr. Andrews said. She spread papers on the
desk and showed them to Nikki.

"This is your DNA. This is your husband's DNA, and this one is his
brother's. See this line—"

"Wait," Nikki interrupted, and looked at me. "How did you get
Chris's DNA?"

I gave her a rueful grin. "Last time I was at Mom's, I stole his
toothbrush."

Nikki closed her eyes and smiled.

"I knew you'd be worried about this, so I wanted the doctor to have
samples from all of us."

Dr. Andrews nodded. "And the results are quite conclusive. The
brothers have the same parents and share alleles at some loci,
however, their genetic profiles are unique. We look at 13 loci."
She pointed at something on the sheet, but I could barely see it for
the tears blurring my eyes.

I was going to be a father.

"Look at J.T.'s sheet, and then look at the baby's. He and the baby
share markers. She and his brother share none."

"She," Nikki whispered, and squeezed my hand.

"Oops." Dr. Andrews laughed. "I meant to ask if you wanted to know
the baby's sex. I'm sorry I let it slip."

"It's okay," Nikki said softly and pressed her hand to her
stomach. "Oh thank God."

We made love that night, though Nikki insisted I wear a condom. She
was still scared about diseases. I knew she scared herself to death
worrying about the baby, and nothing I or the doctors could say
seemed to help.

She still refused to confront Chris, even though I knew she needed
that. I had only seen him once in the past three months, and he was
heading out the door then.

My parents were starting to ask questions about why Nikki and I
weren't around as much as we used to be and I covered it with one
excuse or another.

Nikki would ask them over, but would never visit because she didn't
want to risk running into him. It was getting crazy, but I didn't
know what to do.

One night, a couple of weeks later, the phone rang. Nikki was
closest to it and I heard her mumble "Hello."
I felt her tense beside me and she shoved the phone over to
me. "It's him," she whispered.

I sat up and took it from her.

"Hey, man," Chris said. "I'm sorry for waking you guys up, but I'm
in a little trouble here. Do you think you could come down to the
station and bail me out?"

"What did you do this time?" I asked.

He gave me a rueful laugh. "They say I hit this guy at a bar, but I
don't remember much. I hate to ask, but Dad told me not to call him
if I ended up in jail again."

I closed my eyes, feeling a stab of that same blinding anger I had
felt when Nikki told me about the rape.

I don't remember much, he said.

What else had he done that he couldn't remember? I was tired of
letting him get away with it.

"I'm on my way," I said.

Nikki's voice was tight as I hung up the phone. "In jail again?"

"Yeah." I got out of bed and jerked some clothes on. "I've had it
with him. Chris can't keep doing whatever he wants to and not
suffer the consequences. We're going to have a little talk."

"You can't tell him!" she gasped.

"He needs to know. I can't look at him and pretend things are the
same between us, because they're not. I'm going to tell him this is
it, and why."

"But your parents…" she said miserably.

"It's on him, not you. You don't have to be afraid, Nik." I walked
over to the bed and kissed her.

"Be careful," she said, and I could tell she was crying and trying
hard to hide it in the dark.

"I will."

I locked the door behind me and headed to the station.
Chris had a black eye, but he was grinning as the officer handed him
back his watch and wallet. I signed the papers and gave the
bondsman his money. Without looking at Chris, I turned and headed
outside. Sucking in a deep breath of night air, I climbed into
the car and waited. Chris jumped in a minute later.

"Hey, bro, don't be mad," he pleaded. "I'm sorry I screwed up
again. But I'm going to make you proud of me. Tomorrow I'm going
to look for a job, start over."

"Save it," I said. We were near the marina, and for some reason,
the dark water of the lake made me think of Nikki and all the
showers she still took.

"I know I've told you that before, but this time I mean it. I'm
going to straighten my life out."

I ignore him and kept driving. He made a couple more attempts at
conversation, then he gave up. Chris flipped on the radio and I
flipped it back off.

"Okay, geez," he said. "I get it."

I slammed on the brakes so hard it threw him against the dash and
swerved into the boat launch parking lot. "You don't get anything!"
I shouted.

I threw the car in park and jumped out. I needed to cool down
before I killed him. I strode toward the dock and didn't know Chris
had followed until he spoke behind me.

"What's with you? I said I'm sorry. I'm going to do better."

I turned to him. "You know what? I don't think you are. I think
you're going to keep doing the same stupid things and waste your
life until one night I get a call from the morgue to come ID my
brother's body. I don't think you can change."

He looked hurt. "So that's it? You're writing me off like Dad
has? I guess that's why you haven't been around. You don't have
time to hang with losers, right?"

"I've been trying to piece my life back together, because of you."

He gave me a surprised look. "What are you talking about? This is
the first time I've asked you to bail me out in months."

I closed my eyes against the breeze blowing off the lake. I felt
as stormy as that dark, swirling water. "This isn't about you,
Chris. It's about the people you hurt."

"You mean that guy in the bar? He's just a thug. He hit me too,
you know."

"I'm talking about Nikki," I said, and opened my eyes. I wanted to
see his reaction. If I saw guilt in his eyes, I was going to tear
him limb from limb.

Instead, I saw complete and utter confusion.

"What about Nikki?" he demanded. "I don't understand."

"Do you remember coming to my house a few months ago?"

He frowned. "No…I can't remember the last time I was at your
house. Should I?"

"Well, Nikki can't forget it. She says you raped her, Chris. You
held a knife to her throat and raped my wife in my own bed."

He stumbled backwards. Suddenly, the street tough look he tried so
hard to perfect was gone. He looked like the scared kid he was.

"No! I…no." He shook his head and held his hands up, as if to ward
off my words. "Why would Nikki say that? I love you. I love her.
You guys have always been good to me. I would never—" He shook his
head again. "Why would she say that?"

"Because it's true. You have no idea what kind of hell she's lived
in for the past few months, because of you. I nearly lost her, I
nearly everything because of you."

"I swear to you, J.T., I don't know what you're talking about," he
said frantically. "I would never hurt Nikki."

"She said you came to the house, out of your mind on drugs and
asking her for food. She felt sorry for you and let you in. Then
you attacked her."

I saw something dawn in his eyes. "What is it?" I demanded. "Do
you remember?"

"I remember being at your house," he said, looking dazed. "Cooking
eggs...but that's all." He started crying. "What have I done?"

"I'm leaving now," I told him. "You can walk from here. It's just
a couple of blocks and you're a big, tough guy, right? I wanted you
to know that your life isn't the only one being destroyed by those
drugs you take and I won't be a part of it anymore. Next time you
get put in jail, don't call me."

I stalked toward the car and he yelled, "There won't be a next time."

Driving away, I wished I could believe him.

Nikki was waiting up when I got home. She just nodded when I
told her about the conversation, but she didn't say anything. I was
so worried about her. The tight look was back around her eyes and I
wondered if I'd just made things worse.

As if to confirm that I had, Chris showed up at the apartment the
next night. We had just started eating when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Nikki said. "It's probably Mari, bringing by those
maternity clothes she promised."

She opened the door and then tried to shut it again. I jumped up
when I heard Chris's voice.

"Please, Nikki. Let me in. We need to talk."

"Go away!" she yelled. "You are not welcome here."

I pushed past her and glared at Chris. "What are you doing here?
You're upsetting her and it's bad for the baby."

He looked awful, and he was crying again. "I just came to say I'm
sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Make him go away," Nikki screeched, and clamped her hands over her
ears. I stepped outside and shut the door behind me.

"Not now," I said. "Just…not now."

Chris nodded, tears streaming down his face. "Tell her I'm sorry.
I know it probably won't mean anything now, but I'm off drugs for
good. I don't know how to make it better. Tell me what to do and
I'll do it."

A couple of weeks later, I took him up on that. At her therapist's
urging, Nikki agreed to confront Chris in the doctor's office. I
was afraid that it would upset her too much, hurt the baby, but the
therapist seemed to think it was more dangerous to let Nikki go on
in the state she was in.

It was emotionally devastating for all of us. Chris's attempt at
apology incited Nikki's rage. She yelled and screamed and cursed him
and once she even flew into him.

I don't know which of them I hurt worse for, my pregnant wife
flailing at him with her tiny fists, or my kid brother who stood
there and took it without saying a word, a single tear rolling down
his face.

I saw a change in Nikki after that day. Slowly, things started
getting better. I won't lie to you, it hasn't been easy. Some
nights, she still wakes up screaming and sometimes she gets this
look on her face and I don't know whether to give her space or just
grab hold of her and never let go.

Our daughter, Faith, is nearly three now and I'm so glad she's
here. Her smiles do more to chase away her mother's frowns than
anything else.

Chris has changed so dramatically. He got in church, got married
and last weekend he phoned to say he'd been called to preach. He
invited us to his first service, and to my surprise, Nikki agreed to
go.

I think Nikki has come a long way in forgiving Chris, even though
she can't forget. She held his new son after the service and we all
went to Mom's for lunch. It was the first time we'd been together
as a family since it happened. We're going to make it.

She tells me I'm her lighthouse, a beacon of guidance when her life
is dark and stormy. If that's true, it is because she's my ship,
the only reason I'm here.
***
if you liked this story, please check out my vin inspired hero in
Hot Shot, an ebook available now at
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