http://www.thedaily.com.au/news/2008/oct/20/stories-help-heal-pain-adoption/

Stories heal pain
1:11p.m. 20th October 2008 | Megan Sippel

Victoria Fitzpatrick was overwhelmed by the response she received when
she put the call out for adoptees to share their stories because the
topic, by its very nature, is shrouded in secrecy.

The Bli Bli artist, who exhibited the works in her Adoption Journeys
Series on the Coast a few years ago, was seeking to compile a book she
hoped would offer some relief for people who had discovered that the
family they knew was not their biological one.

After finding out at the age of 15 she was adopted, Victoria said her
first thought was of how the people she had grown up with, had known
and trusted, had had this secret that everyone else was in on except
for her.

As such, she said adoption was not something which was normally spoken
about, and the issues it created – including rejection, dislocation
and abandonment – remained something adoptees often dealt with by
themselves.

"My aim by telling the stories is for other people to identify and
realise they are not alone," Victoria explained.

She said that when the people featured in the book – Touched By
Adoption: Journeys Toward Wholeness – told their stories, each having
a theme that was related to one of Victoria's paintings, they had felt
somewhat of a release.

"People wanted to pour their stories out on the spot," Victoria said.
"We all need that – to be truly heard, not just listened to.

"There is validation in that."

Of course, she said, everyone's story was different – ranging from the
loss and grief of mums who had given up their babies, to people who
had always known they were adopted or those who found out later. Of
all the stories gathered for the book, Victoria said she was able to
connect most with Australian singer David Campbell – Jimmy Barnes'
biological son – who found out at 10 or 11 he was being raised by his
maternal grandmother, and the woman he thought was his sister was in
fact his mother.

Interviewed by Victoria's friend and Sydney journalist Debra Solomon
for the book, David says that the lies involved are the hardest thing
to deal with.

In relation to Victoria's painting, Circle of Secrets, which depicts a
circle of faces all looking down, each without a mouth, David writes:
"I can relate to this – everyone knows something you don't. Everyone
makes a pact and no-one talks about it again ... Sure, you have to
keep some secrets from kids, but not the big ones."

Victoria agrees: "The problems with adoption come when secrets are
involved; you are told one thing and find out the truth is so
different."

Ian Smith, who is famous for his role as Harold on Channel Ten's
Neighbours, also features in the book and describes his experience of
finding out at 54 that he was adopted, after his mother told him on
her death bed.

He explains he always had a feeling of rejection, along with problems
mixing with other children while growing up, saying he was "a bit of a
loner".

This recurs within other people's stories, Victoria said: "One of the
ladies I interviewed said she felt cheated she didn't belong to the
same families her friends had.

"For me, when I met my mum, it helped me feel connected to the human
race, to see where I fit into the scheme of things. Before that, you
feel like you're in a no-man's land."

While Victoria said she looked at her adoptive mum and dad as her
"true" parents, meeting her biological mother did help with the sense
of being dislocated, even though their actual reunion was not a
positive experience.

Having always dealt with issues of abandonment, Victoria said there
was some catharsis involved when she began her series of paintings.

Now in the form of a book, her messages are set to reach even more people.

The book was supported by Sydney's Post Adoption Resource Centre and
Jigsaw Queensland – adoption support services that were both keen to
have more Australian voices on the issue heard.

While everyone affected by adoption may deal with it differently,
Victoria hopes the book becomes a means for people to gain a sense of
connectedness and move through any issues they might have.

"(The book) opens up an opportunity to talk about adoption," she said.
"I hope it becomes a catalyst for healing in people's lives."

Touched By Adoption: Journeys Toward Wholeness – compiled by Victoria
and co-edited with Helen Foley, including contributions by Debra
Solomon – will be launched at Books of Buderim this Wednesday from
6pm. Cost is $5. For bookings, contact 5445 1625. For details on where
to buy the book, visit http://thouartamazing.blogspot.com

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Incidentally, for those in the US, Jack Nicholson's adoption story
(similar to David's) will be covered in this week's episode of TVLand
"Myths & Legends." It airs Wednesday at 10pm ET.

Amanda