I agree the name is a bit ridiculous. Is he an ex porn actor turned wall street
tycoon? You also do not state what crime he committed. Investing in risky debt
is not a crime. Have you done any research on financial crimes and possible
sentencing guidelines? Under normal circumstances financial crimes fall under
federal guidelines and he would be doing time in a minimum security federal
"resort" prison.

Interesting concept, but I think it needs a bit more depth.
Best of luck!

Mike Lyle



I think you can greatly improve your story by choosing a different, more
realistic sounding name for your main character. What's up with this Montague
Steed? I can't even take this story seriously because of that alone.

--- On Thu, 6/25/09, AJ <ahj_1000@hotmail. com> wrote:

From: AJ <ahj_1000@hotmail. com>
Subject: [WriteMovies] Hot Screenplay
To: WriteMovies@ yahoogroups. com
Date: Thursday, June 25, 2009, 12:50 AM

Hi Group!

I am looking for people to read my hot-off-the- press comedy screenplay and give
feedback. It is draft Number 2. It's topical, so I need to get it completed
ASAP.

Here is an overview. I have it copyrighted.

Wall Street – Main Street

A super-wealthy, arrogant, Wall Street banker – Montague Steed - is enjoying
the high life. He pumps up his bank's profits by taking on risky debt, thus
maximizing the bank's short term profits and his bonuses. He knows that this
will lead to disaster in time. He makes $517 million in his time as CEO.

The bank goes bankrupt much sooner than he ever expected. He testifies before
congress on the bankruptcy. His wife and mistress turn their backs on him. He is
tried. The judge gives him massive fines, making him broke. He sentences him to
work in a convenience store, as a clerk, for 5 years, in a working class town.
If he is fired or quits, he will have to do the 5 years in a maximum security
prison.

He starts his job, working under the assistant manager Josh, an ill-tempered
asshole, whose father used to work at Steed' bank but was laid off. His parents
got a mortgage from Steed's bank with little money down, which they can no
longer afford to pay. Because of all this, they cannot afford to send Josh to
college, so Josh makes Steed's life a living hell, trying to make him quit, and
get sent to prison.

The movie is Clerks meets Wall Street.

Thanks!

Andrew Jarvis











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