Jim Slotek
Sun, February 4, 2007

An inside look at the legendary movie bomb that is Ishtar, and why, to
this day, some still adore it. Seriously.

By JIM SLOTEK

The subject today is "bad movies" -- legendary ones like Hudson Hawk,
or Super Mario Brothers, or Howard The Duck, or Heaven's Gate, or The
Last Action Hero.

More specifically, this is about Ishtar (1987) in which Warren Beatty
and Dustin Hoffman sang.

The thing to know about this sub-genre of bad movies is that nobody's
ever seen them. In today's money-worshipping society, the fact that
these movies lost huge amounts of money is nine-tenths of what makes
them bad. There is practically no such thing as a bad movie with huge
box office. Under the Big Mac Rule, if it's successful, ipso fatso,
people liked it, and if you didn't you're an elitist.

Flops, on the other hand, carry the stench of failure -- the same
stench you're trying to get rid of when you buy a car you can't
afford.

But scores of Torontonians have apparently seen Ishtar lately. And
finding them has become an obsession for filmmakers John Mitchell and
Jonathan Crombie, who are producing a documentary called Waiting For
Ishtar.

"(Ishtar director) Elaine May told us 'If everyone who hated Ishtar
had actually seen it, I'd be a rich woman,'" says Mitchell, an
erstwhile comic actor (of the comedy team of Brock And John) and one
of the gang of pals who incubated the musical The Drowsy Chaperone.
Crombie you may remember as the son of the late Toronto mayor David
and an actor (he played Gilbert Blythe in TV's Anne Of Green Gables).

May was a legendary comedienne (of the comedy team of Nichols And May)
and director of some terrific films including The Heartbreak Kid.
Ishtar, the 1987 comedy that ended her directing career, starred
Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman as a pair of inept lounge singers who
through antic means become involved in a shooting war in a fictional
North African country called Ishtar. This was back in the days when
Arabs were cute when they were angry.

Most importantly, however, Ishtar cost more than $50 million to make
(about a trillion dollars today) and was seen by, I think, a few dozen
people.

Mitchell's quest began with his 39th birthday party, and an impromptu
party game in which people admitted to "things we like that are
considered uncool. When I said, 'I've always liked the movie Ishtar,'
I was told I wasn't taking the game seriously. I said, 'No, no, I
sincerely like Ishtar."

Challenged by a friend to write an article about loving the unlovable,
he went to the library to borrow the only VHS copy, and discovered 34
people had booked Ishtar ahead of him. The list now numbers 47.

His mission now became more involved. Number one, he wanted to find
these people. The Public Library system, however, is loath to hand out
member information. So he enlisted fellow Ishtar fan Crombie and they
set about making their film. (If you are one of the people on the
waiting list, you can contact Mitchell at waitingforishtar.com or at
jmit65@...).

It's taken him to director May and actors Charles Grodin and Carol
Kane, as well as "film critics, Tony Award winning songwriters,
writers and directors."

It's true that there were critics who championed the little
big-budget-film-that-couldn't.

Among them: The New York Times' Janet Maslin, and the Sun's own George
Anthony, who gave the movie 10 out of 10. I've teased George for
years, and he still stands by the review.

"I remember so many lines from that movie," says Anthony, who's now a
CBC executive. "My favourite was when they're crawling across the
desert, all caked with sand, and the vultures are circling. And Dustin
says, "I thought they only came for dead things. Are we dead?

"And Warren says, 'No, we're not dead. Keep moving.'"

"And Dustin says, 'You mean they're here 'on spec?' "

George had been on the press junket for Ishtar, and had driven up to
the premiere with the now-sadly-missed Brian Linehan. "We got there a
little late, although the movie hadn't started yet, so they'd saved
two seats at the back, as kind of punishment.

"And the movie started, and three minutes in we both started to laugh.
And we were aware as it went on that there didn't seem to be a lot of
people laughing with us.

"And at one point, a couple of guys were behind us who seemed like
they were checking the sound, and they stood there for most of the
movie.

"So after, we went to Spago where we were meeting Joan Rivers and her
husband Edgar and Garry Shandling. And Joan said, 'How's the movie?'
And I said, 'It's fantastic, very funny, so clever, although it's
really, really 'in.' Edgar said 'How was the rest of the house?' And
Brian said 'Like a still-life (painting), Edgar.'

"And Edgar said, 'Well, that explains why Warren and Dustin look like
they just came back from a funeral.'"

Hoffman and Beatty were six tables away with their heads down. Anthony
and Linehan went to their table, raved about the movie, singled out
the "on spec" line as their favourite, and the two movie stars perked
up.

"And Warren said, 'Well, we knew you were enjoying it.' And Dustin
said, 'We were standing behind you. We were on the other side of the
theatre but it got so cold over there. I said, 'Let's go stand behind
the two guys laughing.' "

In the movie Spinal Tap! this is what is known as a "selective" audience.

With a 20th anniversary, there is talk of releasing Ishtar for the
first time on DVD. Though I've caught bits of it on late night TV
(generally changing the channel when the singing starts), I'm all in
favour of releasing legendary movie bombs for a second look. I suspect
some of them may have aged well, particularly now that we're past
reviewing the budget.

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